Gettin' Down With Don
The final countdown
Don Seipel
Issue date: 4/23/09 Section: Lifestyles
Make fun of other people.
Remember that when you get hurt it's a tragedy, but when other people get hurt it is the essence of comedy.
The more savagely you roast someone, the louder your readers-except for the person whom you are roasting-will laugh with you.
Don't be afraid to be edgy.
Racism, homophobia and discrimination against the handicapped are all hilarious.
You can ironically tell a "bitch" to "make you a sandwich," because everyone understands that you don't actually hate women, you are simply hungry.
Work with stereotypes.
Women are flighty, emotional and bad at driving. Men are dumb, brutish and will do anything for a girl with a pretty face.
If you start from these foundations, you can be sure your readers won't get lost when you make more original claims.
Complain, complain, complain.
You can win the readers to your cause by being angry about the same things they are.
Since you can't possibly know what they're angry about, you should play it safe and get angry about absolutely everything.
Flowers and puppies especially grind my gears.
With that, I turn the reins of the lifestyles page over to my successor, Chris Maggio. I hope that these tips will serve him and anyone else who wishes to become a successful writer.
Thanks again to everyone who read and enjoyed my column. Goodbye and good luck.
dseipel@capital.edu
Remember that when you get hurt it's a tragedy, but when other people get hurt it is the essence of comedy.
The more savagely you roast someone, the louder your readers-except for the person whom you are roasting-will laugh with you.
Don't be afraid to be edgy.
Racism, homophobia and discrimination against the handicapped are all hilarious.
You can ironically tell a "bitch" to "make you a sandwich," because everyone understands that you don't actually hate women, you are simply hungry.
Work with stereotypes.
Women are flighty, emotional and bad at driving. Men are dumb, brutish and will do anything for a girl with a pretty face.
If you start from these foundations, you can be sure your readers won't get lost when you make more original claims.
Complain, complain, complain.
You can win the readers to your cause by being angry about the same things they are.
Since you can't possibly know what they're angry about, you should play it safe and get angry about absolutely everything.
Flowers and puppies especially grind my gears.
With that, I turn the reins of the lifestyles page over to my successor, Chris Maggio. I hope that these tips will serve him and anyone else who wishes to become a successful writer.
Thanks again to everyone who read and enjoyed my column. Goodbye and good luck.
dseipel@capital.edu
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Cleveland Movers
posted 6/01/09 @ 1:33 PM EST
Good job on an amusing final article. Good luck to you in the future!
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